Decided today that I'm giving up producing for the next twelve months to focus on writing and developing my voice as a writer.
My inner circle really spelled this path out to me in the last six months. I finally listened.
I'll still do work on projects I'm attached too - but I'm not going to pick up any new projects. I feel strongly about developing my talent, I've been selling myself short - maybe I haven't, but only one way to find out - this way.
I'm excited to see what the future holds.
Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Make sure you take a chaser with that shot of Ambition
I have a script due for a rewrite at a studio January 4th - So obviously I'm going to delay and write on this first. It's Christmas time, and that means you see three things. A conspicuous absence of Jesus, Santa Claus, and couples. Thanks to the recession, however we get another thing to add to that list - Ambition.
Ambition is a positive word to look towards the future in an otherwise dark time. You lose your job, you got a wife and kids, and no one's sure as shit going to hire until March - so it's the perfect time to pursue your dream of Screenwriting - It's you taking ambition in your life and chasing your dreams. And please, chase away.
But I can't go to your work and asssume to know what a TPS report is. I can't guide home planes from an air traffic controller. I cannot pick ripe fruit. But I can make The Princess and the Frog references to make my point valid.
In the Princess and the Frog, the Princess, Tiana, achieves her dreams with extremely hard work, dedications and a little luck (We're connecting to past posts now!) She gets her palace which is a fine dining restaurant in New Orleans and gets what she always wanted, someone to support and believe in her. If your thinking I just ruined the movie for you, you obviously have never seen a disney movie. There's never been a disney movie where the protagonist does not get what he/she wants or desires. There is always at least one singing animal. And there is always a surprisingly dark and scary bad guy. This is why Disney movies are not real life. I've yet to see a singing bird and most of the bad guys I know are white.
But they do teach real life lessons. That fucking animator at Disney got that job by busting his/her ass. Working extra hours, and generally LOVING what they do because they sure as shit don't work 18 hour days for the paycheck. They relate to Tiana because TIANA is them, they want to work hard and get their fairy tale come true.
And don't we?
Isn't AMBITION the secret ingrediant that Tiana has? I'd argue no. It's the setting to springboard Tiana to where she wants to go. Ambition is the poor shack house she lives in, the double waitressing job, and her skin color. They coincide to plot against her, the nefarious gears in motion to stifle any shot at a productive and happy life. And they succeed.
And she gets mad.
Then she gets Ambitious.
But the hard work, the leaning on others who are great at what they do, the little bit of luck, and the old black voodoo lady is what makes her dream come true. Ambition isn't bred in rich families, its bred in adversity.
So if you don't have that, why are you writing? The Spec market is dead. Read Jason Scroggins to learn more about that, only 17 specs we're sold last year, not a terrible number, but not something to depend on. So why are you writing - is it for love? It might be. We all need dedication for what we desire, the same way we need justification for what we settle for. When I go home with my forth choice from the bar, I struck out three times from ambition and took home her deceptively cute friend by hard work. It might not ALWAYS be what we dreamed of, but I'm going to argue that writing a hit screenplay isn't what you dreamed of. We don't get much when we write a hit, aside from some assignment work and taking home or third choice at the bar. You're not reading about Michael Chabon in People are you?
So if you're looking for a little chaser to go with that ambition - it's the hard work that will separate you. Because most others in your position won't finish that script. Then those that do won't put in the hard work to REWRITE it. And others won't handle rejection well, especially since they haven't taken getting laid off especially well to begin with.
And maybe this is where movies ruin it for ourselves. Shit man, we make things look easy. Writing is easy - watch
dog pog log sog cat bat fat dat
I wrote that in literally seven seconds. But if I plan on putting that in a script I wrote, that shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I need to write lines like
Wind rustling against the hair of his neck. Bob sees trees, and endless charge of trees walking towards him in military unison, the branchings swaying back and forth in one solitary motion. Bob looks down at his feat to see a long, slender stick. He dabs it into the roaring hot fire and CHARGES TOWARDS the trees. They ROOT INTO the ground, each making a line in the sand.
Bob HURLS the fire at the first tree as it explodes into a drowning sea of orange, red, and yellow. It envelopes past the first one - touching the second and third, down the line until the first clump blazes around him. The trees uproot and circle around him. Blocking every avenue of escape. he looks down, nothing. They enclose around him, sucking the night sky out of his view like a cavenous oaf.
You can debate if what I wrote is good, or even comprehensible. But I wrote that in two and a half minutes. A shitty ass tree story with no real meaning, but it reads better than your shitty ass coming of age story about a man laid off, and coming to terms with what life really means.
My script has something different than yours - it might be terrible, but its original, and I'll roll the dice on original. I also know reading that sequence that the writer understands the difference between visuals and dialogue, sucking me into the story, and what happens.
That's all from hard work. I've dedicated my life to writing, and with that, I still can't come up with a story written down in this blog that's as good as what Michale Gambon could do. I still need to work on it. That doesn't mean because I'm not as good as Kavaliar and Clay it means I'm quitting, and you shouldn't either. But its the REALITY that soaks into our ambition that makes us work hard, meet a jazz singing crocodile, and get a little bit of luck. Remember that when you chase after your dreams, your going after a job a lot of other people think is their dream too, and while most flake out, some work extremely hard. You need to realize who your going against to give yourself the best shot. I promise not to try to land airplanes without flight school and several practive hours, and you promise not to show anyone your script until you spent several hours rewriting it.
That's only fair when your taking it with a shot of Ambition, right?
PS - that action sequence I wrote was terrible. Absolutely terrible.
Ambition is a positive word to look towards the future in an otherwise dark time. You lose your job, you got a wife and kids, and no one's sure as shit going to hire until March - so it's the perfect time to pursue your dream of Screenwriting - It's you taking ambition in your life and chasing your dreams. And please, chase away.
But I can't go to your work and asssume to know what a TPS report is. I can't guide home planes from an air traffic controller. I cannot pick ripe fruit. But I can make The Princess and the Frog references to make my point valid.
In the Princess and the Frog, the Princess, Tiana, achieves her dreams with extremely hard work, dedications and a little luck (We're connecting to past posts now!) She gets her palace which is a fine dining restaurant in New Orleans and gets what she always wanted, someone to support and believe in her. If your thinking I just ruined the movie for you, you obviously have never seen a disney movie. There's never been a disney movie where the protagonist does not get what he/she wants or desires. There is always at least one singing animal. And there is always a surprisingly dark and scary bad guy. This is why Disney movies are not real life. I've yet to see a singing bird and most of the bad guys I know are white.
But they do teach real life lessons. That fucking animator at Disney got that job by busting his/her ass. Working extra hours, and generally LOVING what they do because they sure as shit don't work 18 hour days for the paycheck. They relate to Tiana because TIANA is them, they want to work hard and get their fairy tale come true.
And don't we?
Isn't AMBITION the secret ingrediant that Tiana has? I'd argue no. It's the setting to springboard Tiana to where she wants to go. Ambition is the poor shack house she lives in, the double waitressing job, and her skin color. They coincide to plot against her, the nefarious gears in motion to stifle any shot at a productive and happy life. And they succeed.
And she gets mad.
Then she gets Ambitious.
But the hard work, the leaning on others who are great at what they do, the little bit of luck, and the old black voodoo lady is what makes her dream come true. Ambition isn't bred in rich families, its bred in adversity.
So if you don't have that, why are you writing? The Spec market is dead. Read Jason Scroggins to learn more about that, only 17 specs we're sold last year, not a terrible number, but not something to depend on. So why are you writing - is it for love? It might be. We all need dedication for what we desire, the same way we need justification for what we settle for. When I go home with my forth choice from the bar, I struck out three times from ambition and took home her deceptively cute friend by hard work. It might not ALWAYS be what we dreamed of, but I'm going to argue that writing a hit screenplay isn't what you dreamed of. We don't get much when we write a hit, aside from some assignment work and taking home or third choice at the bar. You're not reading about Michael Chabon in People are you?
So if you're looking for a little chaser to go with that ambition - it's the hard work that will separate you. Because most others in your position won't finish that script. Then those that do won't put in the hard work to REWRITE it. And others won't handle rejection well, especially since they haven't taken getting laid off especially well to begin with.
And maybe this is where movies ruin it for ourselves. Shit man, we make things look easy. Writing is easy - watch
dog pog log sog cat bat fat dat
I wrote that in literally seven seconds. But if I plan on putting that in a script I wrote, that shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I need to write lines like
Wind rustling against the hair of his neck. Bob sees trees, and endless charge of trees walking towards him in military unison, the branchings swaying back and forth in one solitary motion. Bob looks down at his feat to see a long, slender stick. He dabs it into the roaring hot fire and CHARGES TOWARDS the trees. They ROOT INTO the ground, each making a line in the sand.
Bob HURLS the fire at the first tree as it explodes into a drowning sea of orange, red, and yellow. It envelopes past the first one - touching the second and third, down the line until the first clump blazes around him. The trees uproot and circle around him. Blocking every avenue of escape. he looks down, nothing. They enclose around him, sucking the night sky out of his view like a cavenous oaf.
You can debate if what I wrote is good, or even comprehensible. But I wrote that in two and a half minutes. A shitty ass tree story with no real meaning, but it reads better than your shitty ass coming of age story about a man laid off, and coming to terms with what life really means.
My script has something different than yours - it might be terrible, but its original, and I'll roll the dice on original. I also know reading that sequence that the writer understands the difference between visuals and dialogue, sucking me into the story, and what happens.
That's all from hard work. I've dedicated my life to writing, and with that, I still can't come up with a story written down in this blog that's as good as what Michale Gambon could do. I still need to work on it. That doesn't mean because I'm not as good as Kavaliar and Clay it means I'm quitting, and you shouldn't either. But its the REALITY that soaks into our ambition that makes us work hard, meet a jazz singing crocodile, and get a little bit of luck. Remember that when you chase after your dreams, your going after a job a lot of other people think is their dream too, and while most flake out, some work extremely hard. You need to realize who your going against to give yourself the best shot. I promise not to try to land airplanes without flight school and several practive hours, and you promise not to show anyone your script until you spent several hours rewriting it.
That's only fair when your taking it with a shot of Ambition, right?
PS - that action sequence I wrote was terrible. Absolutely terrible.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
There's no easy fix unless you know of an easy fix.
So you want to break into film making. Not 'artiste' avante garde slaving for the craft film making. You want to break into real film making. The commercial grade shit. Anyone can superimpose a baby with a dying tree and ask you what it really means.
Fucking whatever you want it to mean.
But real film making. The competitive shit. Where you're not going against Brandon Ingrim and Jenette Peters for being director in production 2, or a local band's bar night dvd. Your looking at the big cash. The bright lights where the stars shine hotter, C level reality stars have power agents, and being too good or too bad of a fuck toy can get you promoted. That's the good stuff.
I am too. Well sort of. It's more of an inevitability now. Not that I'll be successful, of course, that's luck. But to have that opportunity, well it's there. The reason is a combination of things. I'm gonna release the secret that everyone in hollywood DOESN'T want you to know, but tells everyone else anyways.
It's not what you know, it's who you know.
But who you know relates directly to WHAT you know.
Follow?
Okay your a screenwriter and you want to sell a script. Hey, congrats! Your taking your first steps out of having a JOB and towards a CAREER. (Side note, don't ever talk to people that have jobs about your career. Said people will kill you, literally.)
So you write a script. And of course you do. You're not some two bit hack, you write a script and you finish that shit! Congrats, your ahead of half of the other so calle screenwriters out there. So you want to make your BEST idea first. So lets say you pitch a...
...Vampire love story. Why the fuck not? right?
So you tell anyone you know about your vampire love story. Because vampire love stories are hot. And you know that by talking about something commercial that's a hit in the market place they'll listen. So you tell EVERYBODY, and half the people already fucking hate twilight so they won't read your knock off. But the others are visionaries, they see how the market place works so they read it. And they pass. Because you're shit isn't Twilight. And that may or may not be a good thing. It gets covered, but you didn't suck complete dick with your script so they decide to read your next script.
So you start your next script - an animated script about talking animals. While you keep pitching your vampire love story. Soon everyone knows you as the guy that wrote the vampire love story. They're not interested in the talking animal movie because animated movies are tougher for beginners to break into, and how can someone that wrote cheesy vampire dialogue write observational animal dialogue? It doesn't matter if that doesn't make sense, that's how they think.
Do not keep reading if you wish to argue this point. You're beyond saving, and writing your third script, about an anti-hero Billionaire who fights crime.
Good. You're still here. So you're thinking - I did everything write. I wrote commercial, marketable stuff - which is much smarter than writing scripts about writers, film school, generic sex comedies, and two bit mob movies. You sent the script out, and people JUST CANT see your talent, can they?
Well they can - but they're not gonna make a fucking penny off of you mate, so you're worthless.
Let's meet Simon Kinberg
Simon wrote Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a lovers spy movie. He wrote this after spending years at COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY honing his craft, and doing among other things, going to the library every day and writing out the log lines and out lines to every single movie he could get his hands onto. Back to the spy movie - Mr. and Mrs. Smith combined a unique twist with a tested model, while putting his own spin on it. Simon got AKIVA FUCKING GOLDSMAN attached, who is bigger than almost anyone, anyone knows who's reading this. They shopped it around town TWICE and got passed around. But Simon's young and has talent. Akiva is still making money off his a beautiful mind can afford to keep this script around, because its commercial, yet unique. There isn't a different fucking spy movie where the two leads get married an go through the five stages of grief, so why toss this story away? He shops it around town twice and FOX buys it. Brad Pitt attaches too it - then Nicole Kidman, then a shitload of other people who are more famous than anyone we know - and the movie is put into turnaround. Finally Doug Liman comes on board and Angelina Jolie attaches herself to the script. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie make every fucking magazine cover for the next seven months and the movie opens to fifty mil.
Simon writes X-Men 3, does a rewrite on The Fantastic Four 2. co-writes Jumper. Then does a pass on Sherlock Holmes. Simon is A list, and it only took him ten years to do it (Give or take).
Why is Simon different than you? Well Simon worked harder, for one. Simon didn't write a knock off script. Simon knew Akiva Goldsman, a Columbia Alum. But even with that, he had to get lucky. Having Akiva Goldsman read the script was hard. Having Akiva love it was easy. See - there is no easy fix, unless there is an easy fix.
Simon was marketable. More importantly, his idea was marketable. Is yours? Like I mentioned, art school flicks suck, I dont want to read them, and neither do readers. I would read Mr. and Mrs. Smith though because I know if I pass it onto my production company's boss he'll read the tag line and read it. Unless your Wood Stock movie is written by Ang Lee - it isn't moving up the chain. So why the fuck am I gonna put my name on the line and pass on a script that isn't perfect.
And your script isn't perfect. It's probably not even rewritten.
So your cousin that knows Roberto Orci can't help, unless its a good script. I mean, Robertos people will read the script, not out of a favor, but because they're scared on PASSING on a HIT. People dont remember the flops (quick, who directed Poseidon) If you Iphone looked that up, google fuck you. Roberto will read your script and pass because he can't pass it onto Jon Favreau or Steven Spielberg because they won't be wowed. But if you DON'T pass it onto Roberto, you'll never get it made. See, there's no easy fix, unless there's an easy fix.
The secret is not to show people shitty scripts. Shitty scripts get you a reputation. Your better off not showing anything, than showing shitty scripts. Unless someone SPECIFICALLY asks for your shitty script. then it isnt a shitty script. Then its a script with potential that may or may not of gone anywhere, but people ASKING for scripts are rare. They're too busy reading shitty scripts to pass on.
That probably doesn't help, does it? Or make you feel much better. But undestanding your career and maximizing it's strength will carry you a lot farther then randomly giving everyone your script and hope for the best. Its like tossing your keys into a bowl and thinking everyone's gonna chip in for a key party. That shit works in Connecticut, but not in real life.
If you work harder, and your better than shit, you'll meet people that want to work with you, show them your best work and hope you have the next Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
After all - its just an easy fix, or is it?
Fucking whatever you want it to mean.
But real film making. The competitive shit. Where you're not going against Brandon Ingrim and Jenette Peters for being director in production 2, or a local band's bar night dvd. Your looking at the big cash. The bright lights where the stars shine hotter, C level reality stars have power agents, and being too good or too bad of a fuck toy can get you promoted. That's the good stuff.
I am too. Well sort of. It's more of an inevitability now. Not that I'll be successful, of course, that's luck. But to have that opportunity, well it's there. The reason is a combination of things. I'm gonna release the secret that everyone in hollywood DOESN'T want you to know, but tells everyone else anyways.
It's not what you know, it's who you know.
But who you know relates directly to WHAT you know.
Follow?
Okay your a screenwriter and you want to sell a script. Hey, congrats! Your taking your first steps out of having a JOB and towards a CAREER. (Side note, don't ever talk to people that have jobs about your career. Said people will kill you, literally.)
So you write a script. And of course you do. You're not some two bit hack, you write a script and you finish that shit! Congrats, your ahead of half of the other so calle screenwriters out there. So you want to make your BEST idea first. So lets say you pitch a...
...Vampire love story. Why the fuck not? right?
So you tell anyone you know about your vampire love story. Because vampire love stories are hot. And you know that by talking about something commercial that's a hit in the market place they'll listen. So you tell EVERYBODY, and half the people already fucking hate twilight so they won't read your knock off. But the others are visionaries, they see how the market place works so they read it. And they pass. Because you're shit isn't Twilight. And that may or may not be a good thing. It gets covered, but you didn't suck complete dick with your script so they decide to read your next script.
So you start your next script - an animated script about talking animals. While you keep pitching your vampire love story. Soon everyone knows you as the guy that wrote the vampire love story. They're not interested in the talking animal movie because animated movies are tougher for beginners to break into, and how can someone that wrote cheesy vampire dialogue write observational animal dialogue? It doesn't matter if that doesn't make sense, that's how they think.
Do not keep reading if you wish to argue this point. You're beyond saving, and writing your third script, about an anti-hero Billionaire who fights crime.
Good. You're still here. So you're thinking - I did everything write. I wrote commercial, marketable stuff - which is much smarter than writing scripts about writers, film school, generic sex comedies, and two bit mob movies. You sent the script out, and people JUST CANT see your talent, can they?
Well they can - but they're not gonna make a fucking penny off of you mate, so you're worthless.
Let's meet Simon Kinberg
Simon wrote Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a lovers spy movie. He wrote this after spending years at COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY honing his craft, and doing among other things, going to the library every day and writing out the log lines and out lines to every single movie he could get his hands onto. Back to the spy movie - Mr. and Mrs. Smith combined a unique twist with a tested model, while putting his own spin on it. Simon got AKIVA FUCKING GOLDSMAN attached, who is bigger than almost anyone, anyone knows who's reading this. They shopped it around town TWICE and got passed around. But Simon's young and has talent. Akiva is still making money off his a beautiful mind can afford to keep this script around, because its commercial, yet unique. There isn't a different fucking spy movie where the two leads get married an go through the five stages of grief, so why toss this story away? He shops it around town twice and FOX buys it. Brad Pitt attaches too it - then Nicole Kidman, then a shitload of other people who are more famous than anyone we know - and the movie is put into turnaround. Finally Doug Liman comes on board and Angelina Jolie attaches herself to the script. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie make every fucking magazine cover for the next seven months and the movie opens to fifty mil.
Simon writes X-Men 3, does a rewrite on The Fantastic Four 2. co-writes Jumper. Then does a pass on Sherlock Holmes. Simon is A list, and it only took him ten years to do it (Give or take).
Why is Simon different than you? Well Simon worked harder, for one. Simon didn't write a knock off script. Simon knew Akiva Goldsman, a Columbia Alum. But even with that, he had to get lucky. Having Akiva Goldsman read the script was hard. Having Akiva love it was easy. See - there is no easy fix, unless there is an easy fix.
Simon was marketable. More importantly, his idea was marketable. Is yours? Like I mentioned, art school flicks suck, I dont want to read them, and neither do readers. I would read Mr. and Mrs. Smith though because I know if I pass it onto my production company's boss he'll read the tag line and read it. Unless your Wood Stock movie is written by Ang Lee - it isn't moving up the chain. So why the fuck am I gonna put my name on the line and pass on a script that isn't perfect.
And your script isn't perfect. It's probably not even rewritten.
So your cousin that knows Roberto Orci can't help, unless its a good script. I mean, Robertos people will read the script, not out of a favor, but because they're scared on PASSING on a HIT. People dont remember the flops (quick, who directed Poseidon) If you Iphone looked that up, google fuck you. Roberto will read your script and pass because he can't pass it onto Jon Favreau or Steven Spielberg because they won't be wowed. But if you DON'T pass it onto Roberto, you'll never get it made. See, there's no easy fix, unless there's an easy fix.
The secret is not to show people shitty scripts. Shitty scripts get you a reputation. Your better off not showing anything, than showing shitty scripts. Unless someone SPECIFICALLY asks for your shitty script. then it isnt a shitty script. Then its a script with potential that may or may not of gone anywhere, but people ASKING for scripts are rare. They're too busy reading shitty scripts to pass on.
That probably doesn't help, does it? Or make you feel much better. But undestanding your career and maximizing it's strength will carry you a lot farther then randomly giving everyone your script and hope for the best. Its like tossing your keys into a bowl and thinking everyone's gonna chip in for a key party. That shit works in Connecticut, but not in real life.
If you work harder, and your better than shit, you'll meet people that want to work with you, show them your best work and hope you have the next Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
After all - its just an easy fix, or is it?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The one thing you hate to hear.
Everyone has one thing, that artistically they know, is their weakness. Let me rephrase, BIGGEST weakness. With mine, as you can tell, it's spelling and grammar. This will not change anytime soon. It will not change if I eat green eggs and ham. It will not change, Sam I am.
Accepting your faults is one of those monumental decisions no one ever gives other people credit for. The only thing more fucked up than that, is the lack of acclaim you get from getting steps in place to compensate for your weakness.
If your terrible at picking up phone calls, you get a receptionist. If your terrible at cooking, you move next to a delicious jewish deli. If your a sex addict, you go to the bars and exaggerate what you do in your career to ditzy blondes (TIGER ROAR!). Sadly, I'm not Jewish, so I will not start a deli to help you appease your food cravings. I will not answer your phones, I swear too much, even in small talk. I will not help you with chicks at the bar. I'm a slightly overweight Indian guy. Those rank last on the list ditzy blonde chicks want to meet. If M. Night can't get fucked in this town, neither can I.
My weakness is writing. I'm creative, hyperactive, hard working, and articulate. Those are four reasons why people like to talk to me about movies, not about button down tops at Banana Republic. What I can't do is spell worth a damn, or write clear consice sentences when stirring up in a tizzy, a frantic action sequence. It's the chicken or the egg argument - How can he be a writer when he can't properly form compound adjectives complacent with present noun usage.
Note: I don't give a shit about proper noun usage. You don't give a shit about proper noun usage. Michael Bay and Brad Fuller and JJ Abrams and James Cameron do not give a shit about proper verb usage. Michael Bay and Brad Fuller and JJ Abrams and James Cameron's readers and assistants went to ivy league schools give a shit about proper usage. Remember this later when you try to over take hollywood - or become A list like one of those guys. I GUARANTEE you will not give a shit about proper noun usage.
Back to point at hand. I haven't sold a script yet, so it's hard to argue again the chicken when you haven't friend it's egg. But there are actions you can take. me, for example, hire an editor. It's nice to get proper notes and feedback from your script, then you read it and realize they cleaned up all your errors. It's expensive, five percent of your final sale - which can ADD up. But Ill pay that willingly.
But I hate when people complain about hiring an editor. I hate when the editor complains about the very reason you hired them. I don't care about your opinions that its stupid that I not know rudimentary English. I don't care that I make your job harder. If I knew how to do it, I
A-wouldn't give away 5 percent. I love my editor. I do not like giving away five percent of what I'm earning.
B- I don't care that you feel better pointing out I can't form correct sentences on EVERY LINE OF A HUNDRED AND TWENTY PAGE SCRIPT. You will better pointing that out, but that's not going to fix my script when the protagonist switches motivation half way through the script. That's the reason it's an issue.
C- Did you know the average education of a typical American is 7th grade. Interpret this thought and what it means, via the transitive property.
We interrupt this rant to bring you a real life story....
I got this email back from (notable actresses name) producing partner. I sent them a script I had to write in two weeks, Earth Bound. It was not great. It was not good. It had a solid opening ten pages. A solid last fifteen pages. And a great twist in the middle of act two. Everything else was piss poor. Even I was appalled by the number of mistakes, both grammatically and artistically I made. I was embarrassed.
The email stated:
Hey just completedEarthbound . the core idea is good but the script is not ready. yet. It needs to be thought out a bit more. it has that I have seen this many times from the early 50's.
I respect the attempt and work put in by the writer at the last minute. I will remember him and will read what he writes in the near future. I believe that his talent is developing strongly. bUt compared to the scripts I received so far - they are fully developed and have been through many re-writes. I have sent it to my partner on this deal and will forward his comments and thoughts. i like your writer.
I didnt get a pass because my script was littered with errors. I got a pass because my motherfucking idea wasn't developed since I spent two weeks rushing to get it to them. Sometimes you get a genius script from that. Sometimes you get an incomplete draft. I will say this producer was far kinder than he needed to be. I appreciated it, he let me down easy. But he appreciated that I wrote a feature script in TWO FUCKING WEEKS.
But they'll read whatever I write. Because they liked the story. They didnt pass on me because my script had grammatical errors. This is important to remember when people bash you over things you do - If you're good, people will work with you. Kevin Smith's original scripts have the craziest formatting I've ever seen - yet Harvey Weinstein keeps going back to that well and making money. Harvey knows more than you and me.
That doesn't mean my editor SHOULDN'T keep pushing me to get better. It doesn't matter that my readers don't harp on me. Those are their jobs. But it's also the job to know when to drop it, and when to look at the big picture. In the end, all we got is the big picture right? And no one's telling JJ about how his secondary story in episode 103 on Fringe had the character speak an incomplete sentence. Or how his action sequence had EXPLOSIONS written when only one explosion happened.
They were admiring the beauty of Star Trek. And JJ knows his one flaw he needs to fix, so does Judd Apatow, and Paul Thomas Anderson, and the Coen Brothers. That's why they hire people to help them.
I make a lot of mistakes when I write. Some of my mistakes come from pushing force really advanced writing that most others can't reach. Some are so easy my niece tells me I need to spell better. Both eat at me equally. One I notice easily, the other I don't. If you constantly remind me of my weaknesses constantly, I will do neither. And you get this blog not getting updated for two months...
Because everyone has that one thing they hate to hear, but that doesn't mean you can't get the job done, right?
...Right?
Accepting your faults is one of those monumental decisions no one ever gives other people credit for. The only thing more fucked up than that, is the lack of acclaim you get from getting steps in place to compensate for your weakness.
If your terrible at picking up phone calls, you get a receptionist. If your terrible at cooking, you move next to a delicious jewish deli. If your a sex addict, you go to the bars and exaggerate what you do in your career to ditzy blondes (TIGER ROAR!). Sadly, I'm not Jewish, so I will not start a deli to help you appease your food cravings. I will not answer your phones, I swear too much, even in small talk. I will not help you with chicks at the bar. I'm a slightly overweight Indian guy. Those rank last on the list ditzy blonde chicks want to meet. If M. Night can't get fucked in this town, neither can I.
My weakness is writing. I'm creative, hyperactive, hard working, and articulate. Those are four reasons why people like to talk to me about movies, not about button down tops at Banana Republic. What I can't do is spell worth a damn, or write clear consice sentences when stirring up in a tizzy, a frantic action sequence. It's the chicken or the egg argument - How can he be a writer when he can't properly form compound adjectives complacent with present noun usage.
Note: I don't give a shit about proper noun usage. You don't give a shit about proper noun usage. Michael Bay and Brad Fuller and JJ Abrams and James Cameron do not give a shit about proper verb usage. Michael Bay and Brad Fuller and JJ Abrams and James Cameron's readers and assistants went to ivy league schools give a shit about proper usage. Remember this later when you try to over take hollywood - or become A list like one of those guys. I GUARANTEE you will not give a shit about proper noun usage.
Back to point at hand. I haven't sold a script yet, so it's hard to argue again the chicken when you haven't friend it's egg. But there are actions you can take. me, for example, hire an editor. It's nice to get proper notes and feedback from your script, then you read it and realize they cleaned up all your errors. It's expensive, five percent of your final sale - which can ADD up. But Ill pay that willingly.
But I hate when people complain about hiring an editor. I hate when the editor complains about the very reason you hired them. I don't care about your opinions that its stupid that I not know rudimentary English. I don't care that I make your job harder. If I knew how to do it, I
A-wouldn't give away 5 percent. I love my editor. I do not like giving away five percent of what I'm earning.
B- I don't care that you feel better pointing out I can't form correct sentences on EVERY LINE OF A HUNDRED AND TWENTY PAGE SCRIPT. You will better pointing that out, but that's not going to fix my script when the protagonist switches motivation half way through the script. That's the reason it's an issue.
C- Did you know the average education of a typical American is 7th grade. Interpret this thought and what it means, via the transitive property.
We interrupt this rant to bring you a real life story....
I got this email back from (notable actresses name) producing partner. I sent them a script I had to write in two weeks, Earth Bound. It was not great. It was not good. It had a solid opening ten pages. A solid last fifteen pages. And a great twist in the middle of act two. Everything else was piss poor. Even I was appalled by the number of mistakes, both grammatically and artistically I made. I was embarrassed.
The email stated:
Hey just completed
I respect the attempt and work put in by the writer at the last minute. I will remember him and will read what he writes in the near future. I believe that his talent is developing strongly. bUt compared to the scripts I received so far - they are fully developed and have been through many re-writes. I have sent it to my partner on this deal and will forward his comments and thoughts. i like your writer.
I didnt get a pass because my script was littered with errors. I got a pass because my motherfucking idea wasn't developed since I spent two weeks rushing to get it to them. Sometimes you get a genius script from that. Sometimes you get an incomplete draft. I will say this producer was far kinder than he needed to be. I appreciated it, he let me down easy. But he appreciated that I wrote a feature script in TWO FUCKING WEEKS.
But they'll read whatever I write. Because they liked the story. They didnt pass on me because my script had grammatical errors. This is important to remember when people bash you over things you do - If you're good, people will work with you. Kevin Smith's original scripts have the craziest formatting I've ever seen - yet Harvey Weinstein keeps going back to that well and making money. Harvey knows more than you and me.
That doesn't mean my editor SHOULDN'T keep pushing me to get better. It doesn't matter that my readers don't harp on me. Those are their jobs. But it's also the job to know when to drop it, and when to look at the big picture. In the end, all we got is the big picture right? And no one's telling JJ about how his secondary story in episode 103 on Fringe had the character speak an incomplete sentence. Or how his action sequence had EXPLOSIONS written when only one explosion happened.
They were admiring the beauty of Star Trek. And JJ knows his one flaw he needs to fix, so does Judd Apatow, and Paul Thomas Anderson, and the Coen Brothers. That's why they hire people to help them.
I make a lot of mistakes when I write. Some of my mistakes come from pushing force really advanced writing that most others can't reach. Some are so easy my niece tells me I need to spell better. Both eat at me equally. One I notice easily, the other I don't. If you constantly remind me of my weaknesses constantly, I will do neither. And you get this blog not getting updated for two months...
Because everyone has that one thing they hate to hear, but that doesn't mean you can't get the job done, right?
...Right?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Let the Right One In
Guess what's gonna happen in film?
Any guesses? Any?
You're gonna get fucked over. Most likely by people you consider friends. Brian Grazer once told a class full of people who asked him the most important lesson to learn in hollywood 'Every day I work with people who's fucked me out of millions of dollars and I do it while I have to grin through my teeth.'
Truer words have never been spoken. Three lessons I preached that I never followed. Never write something before you have a contract. Never work with a friend whom you know 'you'll figure it out later' and never trust someone - well most people, ever. EVER.
And it's a gift that keeps on giving. People will never STOP fucking you over. they won't learn their lesson. It won't be a magical two hour movie where you'll overcome adversity and become bigger people. bigger people become bigger because they got paid, and pal, if you got fucked over, you ain't gettin' paid.
That shouldn't mean that you don't trust people in the business. I trust my editor, more than almost anyone else. I trust my brit James Williamson out in England. I trust my contact out in NY Dana Abercrombie. I trust forcesofgeek managing editor Stefan blitz. I trust a couple other people out in HW. everyone else I don't even remotely trust. Not even the least. and If I do work without a contract, with unspoken understandings I'll just be fucked. bent over and taken sideways fucked. Its a part of life.
I realized tonight a person i thought was really close to me fucked me, and fucked me good. But i'm not mad at him, after all, he was simply playing by the rules of the game. I don't even have a reason to be upset. But I'm still fucked over. Where does that get me?
A lesson learned and some vasoline. Don't let the same thing happen to you.
EVER.
Any guesses? Any?
You're gonna get fucked over. Most likely by people you consider friends. Brian Grazer once told a class full of people who asked him the most important lesson to learn in hollywood 'Every day I work with people who's fucked me out of millions of dollars and I do it while I have to grin through my teeth.'
Truer words have never been spoken. Three lessons I preached that I never followed. Never write something before you have a contract. Never work with a friend whom you know 'you'll figure it out later' and never trust someone - well most people, ever. EVER.
And it's a gift that keeps on giving. People will never STOP fucking you over. they won't learn their lesson. It won't be a magical two hour movie where you'll overcome adversity and become bigger people. bigger people become bigger because they got paid, and pal, if you got fucked over, you ain't gettin' paid.
That shouldn't mean that you don't trust people in the business. I trust my editor, more than almost anyone else. I trust my brit James Williamson out in England. I trust my contact out in NY Dana Abercrombie. I trust forcesofgeek managing editor Stefan blitz. I trust a couple other people out in HW. everyone else I don't even remotely trust. Not even the least. and If I do work without a contract, with unspoken understandings I'll just be fucked. bent over and taken sideways fucked. Its a part of life.
I realized tonight a person i thought was really close to me fucked me, and fucked me good. But i'm not mad at him, after all, he was simply playing by the rules of the game. I don't even have a reason to be upset. But I'm still fucked over. Where does that get me?
A lesson learned and some vasoline. Don't let the same thing happen to you.
EVER.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
writing vs. a career
this is easy -
I write because I love it. it's what makes me a big part of who i am.
I work at banana republic because it pays the bills - in no way shape or form would I ever choose BR over film.
They can't co-exist. one is not bert, and the other ernie. This is not sesame street. We are not singing songs telling people how we got to this point. If we did - the song would go
Can you tell me how to get
how to get to a lackluster career!
Heya Dave!
Heya bird thats big.
You seem stressed?
I am big thats big! I'm stuck at a lackluster retail establishment that has customers treating me like a second class plaything.
That's too bad Dave.
I KNOW - bird that's big.
Children - did we learn anything? We learned that dreams in their whimsical fancy are often shattered by unrealistic expectations. Anything good that happens in film always comes with a that snapshot dream, of everything working out. But rarely does everything work out - in fact, I don't think it ever has. Tom B from LOTR never got his due time. Michael still has to work with Megan Fox on Transformers three despite his alleged crew not liking her, and Somehow Avenue Q is still not turned into a movie.
But you can have it all (you can?). Well, no, not really you can't. At least not long term. At some point and time your gonna reach that crossroads - are you gonna go to chinatown? Are you going to choose a family over a career? I've seen that happen many times in my family, and I don't think they regret that decision. I know right now though, that I would. I'm not an adult yet, at least not in the complete sense. I still make stupid decisions. Or a slew of stupid decisions.
The philosopher Fred Flinstone once said 'yabba dabba doo.' Did he say that because he was happy with his work situation? he couldn't of achieved much more than a construction job at bedrock time. Was he happy with his wife and child? Or was it that delicious fucking steak every night that drove him wild? Fred in a lot of way's is like us. He seems to have it all, but he has to make a choice. At the end of the day what did he choose? Was he really happy? Only you can figure that out when you ask yourself 'yabba dabba doooo.'
PS. Fucking Fred, learn some real english already. You're not a fucking caveman.
I write because I love it. it's what makes me a big part of who i am.
I work at banana republic because it pays the bills - in no way shape or form would I ever choose BR over film.
They can't co-exist. one is not bert, and the other ernie. This is not sesame street. We are not singing songs telling people how we got to this point. If we did - the song would go
Can you tell me how to get
how to get to a lackluster career!
Heya Dave!
Heya bird thats big.
You seem stressed?
I am big thats big! I'm stuck at a lackluster retail establishment that has customers treating me like a second class plaything.
That's too bad Dave.
I KNOW - bird that's big.
Children - did we learn anything? We learned that dreams in their whimsical fancy are often shattered by unrealistic expectations. Anything good that happens in film always comes with a that snapshot dream, of everything working out. But rarely does everything work out - in fact, I don't think it ever has. Tom B from LOTR never got his due time. Michael still has to work with Megan Fox on Transformers three despite his alleged crew not liking her, and Somehow Avenue Q is still not turned into a movie.
But you can have it all (you can?). Well, no, not really you can't. At least not long term. At some point and time your gonna reach that crossroads - are you gonna go to chinatown? Are you going to choose a family over a career? I've seen that happen many times in my family, and I don't think they regret that decision. I know right now though, that I would. I'm not an adult yet, at least not in the complete sense. I still make stupid decisions. Or a slew of stupid decisions.
The philosopher Fred Flinstone once said 'yabba dabba doo.' Did he say that because he was happy with his work situation? he couldn't of achieved much more than a construction job at bedrock time. Was he happy with his wife and child? Or was it that delicious fucking steak every night that drove him wild? Fred in a lot of way's is like us. He seems to have it all, but he has to make a choice. At the end of the day what did he choose? Was he really happy? Only you can figure that out when you ask yourself 'yabba dabba doooo.'
PS. Fucking Fred, learn some real english already. You're not a fucking caveman.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Coming Tide
Well a year full of work - I'll know in two months if they're def going for it though, one way or another. Talk abbout finding a way to freak you the hell out -
I'm alternating between being extremely positive and crashing down so hard I wont get back up for a month.
I'm alternating between being extremely positive and crashing down so hard I wont get back up for a month.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Job Search O-rama.
Day fifteen of the job search and things are going swimmingly, if swimmingly meant drowning before my very eyes. TWO extremely positive looking projects are delayed and its official - I got five weeks until things get bad - really bad. But as my sister Dana says, dwelling negatively doesn't help anything.
The worst thing about a job search is how helpless you feel. You spend twenty minutes going over and re going over your resume only to never hear back. Its the sheer essence of failure, that little small voice in the back of your head telling you that you'll never do anything, gets a little louder. Its a constant crush of pressure - knowing that even when you apply to ANY job - things aren't looking up. I finally get what all those new stations have been saying, things are not getting better.
What do you do? Hold on - stay strong - get better. Its all I CAN do. Moping around won't help me. I still feel like a failure, I still feel that twinge of helplessness, but you gotta shake those off and keep working hard. otherwise, what else is gonna right for you?
Stay strong - the alternative isn't any better.
The worst thing about a job search is how helpless you feel. You spend twenty minutes going over and re going over your resume only to never hear back. Its the sheer essence of failure, that little small voice in the back of your head telling you that you'll never do anything, gets a little louder. Its a constant crush of pressure - knowing that even when you apply to ANY job - things aren't looking up. I finally get what all those new stations have been saying, things are not getting better.
What do you do? Hold on - stay strong - get better. Its all I CAN do. Moping around won't help me. I still feel like a failure, I still feel that twinge of helplessness, but you gotta shake those off and keep working hard. otherwise, what else is gonna right for you?
Stay strong - the alternative isn't any better.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Don't let your ego get in the way of your paycheck.
The art equivalent of blood in the water is deciding the official credits for any project. Credits, not cash, are the lifeblood of the industry. Anyone with a producer title, whether it be assistant or executive, has a career that can be interpreted as ascending. Same as anyone that officially gets listed as a staff writer, consultant, etc etc. It's verifies the nature of your work. Not only are you good enough to move ahead of half these schmucks, you're SO good (or connected) that we're going to let the world know via a credit. What else do credits mean?
Royalties.
Ahh - the dirty little secret in hollywood. Fuck your pay, what you REALLY want is the royalties, because when you have royalties, its like a christmas present in the mail every month that supports your addiction to cocaine, blondes with figures that run silky smooth like coca cola bottles, and exotic foreign cars that people never drive.
So first lesson: Always get a credit.
Second lesson. It will be impossible to get a credit unless its in your contract, you're a shrewd negotiator, you saved the producers life, or the producer personally brought you on the project. You see, a thousand other people will work on that writing staff and will want their contributions to be noticed, and the day the director comes in and says I've been talking to THIS GUY and he's got some good ideas too, lets give him some credits.
You're not going to get that credit. Welcome to the suck.
Don't believe me? Well you don't have too. It's happened to me though. One of the first people I ever connected too was Scott Brown, a writer/director out of USC. He was a nice enough guy, posted status updates about the right things on FB and had a solid reel. This is someone I should KNOW I thought to myself. I pitched him a little idea I had brewing in my head, a cross country project between people at USC, NYU, and Grand Valley State University (the college I was attending at the time) The show? A story about a public access news station called Critical Information. Scott liked the pilot enough (Disclaimer: He was far too kind, the pilot was, and still is, shit.)
Funny side story: Scott thought I lived in Minnesota until I met him in LA - He also said 'the only reason I'm working with you is because you're not from LA' Proving that Scotts much smarter than I when it comes to entertainment, maybe I'll have him write a rebuttal to this column.
Critical Information didn't get the proper instituational support, it was mismanaged (by me, mostly) and overall didn't fulfill the high expectations I had of it, mostly sweet misguided daydreams of a fantastic P and A campaign and random girls at the bar saying YOU CREATED THAT will promising to give me the three way of my life.
Needless to say, Not much came out of CI aside from the networking I did, and it was beneficial to say the least. Flash forward to last summer when I moved to Los Angeles to intern at Lionsgate studios. Scott was kicking around an idea called 'Making Bank' about four slackers who graduate from college and find the job market, slim to say the least, and decide to take control of their lives by, what else, robbing a bank. He agreed to let me come on as a consulting producer and a staff writer, not a shabby deal to be growing a future relationship with a guy I really looked up too.
This proves three things. One - Scott's a fucking good writer. Two - Scott's a really good friend. Three - Scott was a dumb shit for giving me a title without clearing it with his other writers.
What? he's the director! you say. Well yes, he is. he created and oversaw the project. But here's the kicker, we were all working for free. You give a shit what your writers say when they leave and you have to find 'FREE' replacements who are just as good. Remember earlier, credits are the life blood of the entertainment world. IF you're not garnering a paycheck that motherfucker better give you a job title of your choice. Or a place on his bar tab.
Well the writers on Making Bank weren't too pleased I was coming aboard. They've bee working with Scott for a few years and now this stupid fucking kid who moved out for the summer, who they didn't even KNOW and didn't have enough credits worth SHIT was garnering the same job titles as them? Potentially taking away a written by credit and being a consulting producer? This shit wasn't going to fly, and Although I wasn't there for that meeting, it's plain to see - They told him - them or us.
And here's the delimma. I was an unknown from chicago. they were his main collaborators from USC. I was a solid writer, but I wasn't good. Who's he going to choose ladies and gentlemen? Yes, you in the back...That's right. Not me. compounding the issue was Scott sent me the IM while i was at my internship (Everyone chats via AIM or Yahoo). The first message, 'Dave you're gonna think I'm an asshole, but I can't give you a writing credit.' My response: Me saying out loud. What the fuck you piece of shit.
I may have overreacted. Maybe I didn't.
I certainly don't fault Scott for his choice, and if he could of done it again, if he had a little stronger hold on the project, he probably would of told them to fucking deal with it, he was in charge. Not because I was that good, but to remind everyone HE was in charge.
So what did I do? I told Scott to go fuck himself. I didn't talk to him for a week. But then I had a shit week at Lionsgate. I sat at home thinking, Fuck man, What do I got? Then I remembered Scott taking time out of his schedule to help me with Critical Information. Was a title (I was still consulting producer) worth throwing a friendship away? Was it worth throwing away a FUTURE GUY who I wished would hire me?
I called him up. My first line. Scott your a fucking asshole, and you made a dick move, but that's not going to change our friendship. Me him, and our friend Alex Garcia went our for mexican food near USC, and guess what, he picked up the tab.
My first business lunch. We'll, my fifth - but we'll let Scott think it was my first.
Needless to say, I had an ego, a large one, big enough to fill a pilgrim ship and sail for a new world. But I didn't. It wasn't worth it. So how did it pay off?
I was Executive Producer on Scott's new web series, the critically acclaimed 'Blue Movies'. I personally put him in touch with one of his producers, and I put him in touch with the financing company. What did I get out of this? A CREDIT. so life blood, for starters. Also I got to keep a pretty good friend who remembers I'm from Michigan now and helps me out with a project much bigger than Making Bank (With a lot more explosions at least). The point. Don't let your ego get in the way of your future paycheck. You're gonna get fucked, some on purpose, some because it isn't your time yet, and some because of reasons beyond that person's control.
Just don't fuck yourself, because that's the worst way of getting fucked.
Royalties.
Ahh - the dirty little secret in hollywood. Fuck your pay, what you REALLY want is the royalties, because when you have royalties, its like a christmas present in the mail every month that supports your addiction to cocaine, blondes with figures that run silky smooth like coca cola bottles, and exotic foreign cars that people never drive.
So first lesson: Always get a credit.
Second lesson. It will be impossible to get a credit unless its in your contract, you're a shrewd negotiator, you saved the producers life, or the producer personally brought you on the project. You see, a thousand other people will work on that writing staff and will want their contributions to be noticed, and the day the director comes in and says I've been talking to THIS GUY and he's got some good ideas too, lets give him some credits.
You're not going to get that credit. Welcome to the suck.
Don't believe me? Well you don't have too. It's happened to me though. One of the first people I ever connected too was Scott Brown, a writer/director out of USC. He was a nice enough guy, posted status updates about the right things on FB and had a solid reel. This is someone I should KNOW I thought to myself. I pitched him a little idea I had brewing in my head, a cross country project between people at USC, NYU, and Grand Valley State University (the college I was attending at the time) The show? A story about a public access news station called Critical Information. Scott liked the pilot enough (Disclaimer: He was far too kind, the pilot was, and still is, shit.)
Funny side story: Scott thought I lived in Minnesota until I met him in LA - He also said 'the only reason I'm working with you is because you're not from LA' Proving that Scotts much smarter than I when it comes to entertainment, maybe I'll have him write a rebuttal to this column.
Critical Information didn't get the proper instituational support, it was mismanaged (by me, mostly) and overall didn't fulfill the high expectations I had of it, mostly sweet misguided daydreams of a fantastic P and A campaign and random girls at the bar saying YOU CREATED THAT will promising to give me the three way of my life.
Needless to say, Not much came out of CI aside from the networking I did, and it was beneficial to say the least. Flash forward to last summer when I moved to Los Angeles to intern at Lionsgate studios. Scott was kicking around an idea called 'Making Bank' about four slackers who graduate from college and find the job market, slim to say the least, and decide to take control of their lives by, what else, robbing a bank. He agreed to let me come on as a consulting producer and a staff writer, not a shabby deal to be growing a future relationship with a guy I really looked up too.
This proves three things. One - Scott's a fucking good writer. Two - Scott's a really good friend. Three - Scott was a dumb shit for giving me a title without clearing it with his other writers.
What? he's the director! you say. Well yes, he is. he created and oversaw the project. But here's the kicker, we were all working for free. You give a shit what your writers say when they leave and you have to find 'FREE' replacements who are just as good. Remember earlier, credits are the life blood of the entertainment world. IF you're not garnering a paycheck that motherfucker better give you a job title of your choice. Or a place on his bar tab.
Well the writers on Making Bank weren't too pleased I was coming aboard. They've bee working with Scott for a few years and now this stupid fucking kid who moved out for the summer, who they didn't even KNOW and didn't have enough credits worth SHIT was garnering the same job titles as them? Potentially taking away a written by credit and being a consulting producer? This shit wasn't going to fly, and Although I wasn't there for that meeting, it's plain to see - They told him - them or us.
And here's the delimma. I was an unknown from chicago. they were his main collaborators from USC. I was a solid writer, but I wasn't good. Who's he going to choose ladies and gentlemen? Yes, you in the back...That's right. Not me. compounding the issue was Scott sent me the IM while i was at my internship (Everyone chats via AIM or Yahoo). The first message, 'Dave you're gonna think I'm an asshole, but I can't give you a writing credit.' My response: Me saying out loud. What the fuck you piece of shit.
I may have overreacted. Maybe I didn't.
I certainly don't fault Scott for his choice, and if he could of done it again, if he had a little stronger hold on the project, he probably would of told them to fucking deal with it, he was in charge. Not because I was that good, but to remind everyone HE was in charge.
So what did I do? I told Scott to go fuck himself. I didn't talk to him for a week. But then I had a shit week at Lionsgate. I sat at home thinking, Fuck man, What do I got? Then I remembered Scott taking time out of his schedule to help me with Critical Information. Was a title (I was still consulting producer) worth throwing a friendship away? Was it worth throwing away a FUTURE GUY who I wished would hire me?
I called him up. My first line. Scott your a fucking asshole, and you made a dick move, but that's not going to change our friendship. Me him, and our friend Alex Garcia went our for mexican food near USC, and guess what, he picked up the tab.
My first business lunch. We'll, my fifth - but we'll let Scott think it was my first.
Needless to say, I had an ego, a large one, big enough to fill a pilgrim ship and sail for a new world. But I didn't. It wasn't worth it. So how did it pay off?
I was Executive Producer on Scott's new web series, the critically acclaimed 'Blue Movies'. I personally put him in touch with one of his producers, and I put him in touch with the financing company. What did I get out of this? A CREDIT. so life blood, for starters. Also I got to keep a pretty good friend who remembers I'm from Michigan now and helps me out with a project much bigger than Making Bank (With a lot more explosions at least). The point. Don't let your ego get in the way of your future paycheck. You're gonna get fucked, some on purpose, some because it isn't your time yet, and some because of reasons beyond that person's control.
Just don't fuck yourself, because that's the worst way of getting fucked.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
How to talk to your family or how parents just don't understand.
I went through what most others would consider an emotional roller coaster with my parents this week. I consider it pretty standard. Here's the ride (Hold on!) My parents asked me if I was gay, they told me randomly decided to visit me in chicago, to which I'm not sure the first and second point are related are not - they visited, to which I - in my infinite wisdom, had accidentally left a condom on my dresser - The conversation went from if I was gay to how dare I have premaritial sex. In other words, it could of been worse.
And here we are ladies and gentlemen. Stuck in this infinite abyss we call careerdom, holding all sorts of cards our parents never envisioned. By the time my parents we're twenty five they moved to the town they'd spend the next 20 years of their life, they had my oldest brother, and my dad held the job he'd hold for over 20 years. In other words, three of the four biggest things you decide in life (the forth being religion) had be settled. There wasn't any planning. the planning was done, packed up in the moving trucks and heading towards the next batch of newly minted honeymooners, happy after discovering three magical gifts of marriage - newlywed swag, abolishment of a curfew, and the magical 'O' (Consult your physician if you hadn't had one of those in a while, or craigslist.)
So where am I at twenty five? I'll assume you're up to speed with my love life so no spouse. Living in chicago until I move to Los Angeles, so little enviromental stability. I work in film, so they'll never be job stability, and although I am open minded I'm more religious than not, in a spiritual sense, not the organizational sense - so I'm batting 1 for 4 in the big choices in life (I guess I don't have any kids out there I know about). What does this say about relating to your elders?
When I was thirteen, the biggest issue my parents had with me was my defiance in wearing my ball cap to church. Now they're worried I'm gay, randomly fucking, or both. Relatability was 200 miles back in Grand Rapids. In the words of Jason Bourne to my parents 'You're son's off the fucking grid.'
And isn't this the issue at the core of every family dynamic? Relatbility. Its not the small things we struggle with, its the fucking BIG life choices I make. As I told them what's new in my life during lunch today - we steered away from three topics. Religion (They're scared I might not be as Godly as they hope) Girls (Fuck if they can't even decide what GENDER I'm teeing off against) and that giant fucking yellow condom just sitting there, causing angst, not even being used by finding some small way to fuck me anyways.
I did see, for the first time in three years, real pride that they felt about me. I did see them making an effort. I mean, for all my parents faults, and there are a few, the worst thing that happened to them was being stuck with ME, I mean, I'm a fucking dick, and they handle me like a trooper, as well as you'd ever expect conservative white parents to handle their off the rocker adolescent 25 year old son.
What was the relatability that changed everything? Maybe the key was they stopped trying how my life was going to turn out. The rest of my siblings ended up completely average, and they predicted that pretty well. Why try changing the black sheep to white if it's just gonna not turn out CREME white? I suppose we can love black sheep too...
But understanding that you don't match up with your elder parents and siblings doesn't neccessarily mean thats a BAD thing, its a choice of individuality, for better or worse. I'm the only one of my siblings not to have kids or a spouse. I'm the first to NOT drop out of college, and I'm the first to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. That doesn't make me better. That makes me different. Just because my parents can't understand how to love me doesn't mean they don't love me, mostly.
So if you're parents feud with you, remember this sage advice from rapper Will Smith
"Parent's just don't understand."
You're fucking right there, Will. Tell me something I DON'T know.
And here we are ladies and gentlemen. Stuck in this infinite abyss we call careerdom, holding all sorts of cards our parents never envisioned. By the time my parents we're twenty five they moved to the town they'd spend the next 20 years of their life, they had my oldest brother, and my dad held the job he'd hold for over 20 years. In other words, three of the four biggest things you decide in life (the forth being religion) had be settled. There wasn't any planning. the planning was done, packed up in the moving trucks and heading towards the next batch of newly minted honeymooners, happy after discovering three magical gifts of marriage - newlywed swag, abolishment of a curfew, and the magical 'O' (Consult your physician if you hadn't had one of those in a while, or craigslist.)
So where am I at twenty five? I'll assume you're up to speed with my love life so no spouse. Living in chicago until I move to Los Angeles, so little enviromental stability. I work in film, so they'll never be job stability, and although I am open minded I'm more religious than not, in a spiritual sense, not the organizational sense - so I'm batting 1 for 4 in the big choices in life (I guess I don't have any kids out there I know about). What does this say about relating to your elders?
When I was thirteen, the biggest issue my parents had with me was my defiance in wearing my ball cap to church. Now they're worried I'm gay, randomly fucking, or both. Relatability was 200 miles back in Grand Rapids. In the words of Jason Bourne to my parents 'You're son's off the fucking grid.'
And isn't this the issue at the core of every family dynamic? Relatbility. Its not the small things we struggle with, its the fucking BIG life choices I make. As I told them what's new in my life during lunch today - we steered away from three topics. Religion (They're scared I might not be as Godly as they hope) Girls (Fuck if they can't even decide what GENDER I'm teeing off against) and that giant fucking yellow condom just sitting there, causing angst, not even being used by finding some small way to fuck me anyways.
I did see, for the first time in three years, real pride that they felt about me. I did see them making an effort. I mean, for all my parents faults, and there are a few, the worst thing that happened to them was being stuck with ME, I mean, I'm a fucking dick, and they handle me like a trooper, as well as you'd ever expect conservative white parents to handle their off the rocker adolescent 25 year old son.
What was the relatability that changed everything? Maybe the key was they stopped trying how my life was going to turn out. The rest of my siblings ended up completely average, and they predicted that pretty well. Why try changing the black sheep to white if it's just gonna not turn out CREME white? I suppose we can love black sheep too...
But understanding that you don't match up with your elder parents and siblings doesn't neccessarily mean thats a BAD thing, its a choice of individuality, for better or worse. I'm the only one of my siblings not to have kids or a spouse. I'm the first to NOT drop out of college, and I'm the first to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. That doesn't make me better. That makes me different. Just because my parents can't understand how to love me doesn't mean they don't love me, mostly.
So if you're parents feud with you, remember this sage advice from rapper Will Smith
"Parent's just don't understand."
You're fucking right there, Will. Tell me something I DON'T know.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Five People I've Learned the Most From
If I had to make a list of the five people who's taught me the most in my career so far, It'd read like this
Frank Demartini - Producer.
Jeanine Orci - Writer/Actress.
Bonni Allen - Casting Director/Producer
Jeff Bushell - Writer
Jay Kogen - Writer/Producer.
Can't do much better than this list.
Frank Demartini - Producer.
Jeanine Orci - Writer/Actress.
Bonni Allen - Casting Director/Producer
Jeff Bushell - Writer
Jay Kogen - Writer/Producer.
Can't do much better than this list.
Most Embarrassing conversations ever AKA welcome to modern romance.
gee - We haven't talked in a while, but I feel comfortable completely going out on a limb and saying I'm interested in you. Since I work in movies I have to plan out my life in advance which means we don't get that cute awkward - lets randomly hang out stage. Maybe the best stage since somewhere in between dates 3 and 9 a couple of people are getting luckyyyyy.
Anyways. Working in film normally means if you're not married by now, if you date in the industry odds are pretty high two words are in your near future. Set hook ups (GOOD!) and Divorce (PRICEY!) so take from that what you will. Personally I've never been involved in people in entertainment, although thats slowly changing. My last three romantic interests were - follow along, a Radiologist, A nurse, and a Dentist.
Obviously the medical field isn't my thing so I'm moving on, and part of growing up is learning that people you knew back in college, who you get in touch with again are MUCH better than you remember them. Well some, the distant ones you didn't get drunk with enough and get shot down by. Herein - my situation.
Its a simple situation of interest and not so much love, or like in this case. I find (Name withheld for hopeful dating potential) attractive, smart, funny, and pretty grounded. Which is good because she has at least four traits there that I don't have. Also she writes, works, and occassionally laughs at my jokes. She answers my stupid questions with not so stupid answers and I find said answers cute. These examples don't cry out, man, ditch the career, get to (City withheld, but I'm sure you can guess it) and tell her how you FEEL. We'll the first thing is I don't know how I FEEL. its been a while since we hung out, although that shouldn't be taken as a negative, and two, any conversation inherently goes into the planning stage, which I hate, I'm pretty sure she hates, and my mom would love, which means I hate it.
Editors note (Dear name withheld girl, if you're reading this, please A - trust in God that I'm a better writer than I'm showing here, and B - don't jump the shark in regards to interest. Consider my like to be like the Jonas Brothers, mass produced, marketed, and totally blown out of proportion).
Sound familiar? Welcome to Modern Romance. Where we choose our careers before our spouse and our spouse is supposed to COMPLEMENT our career. There's something unnerving about that, should I find a nice box of chocolates to go with my dozen white roses of a job? Luckily - regardless of what happens with my future love life, I haven't done that here. She's funny and interesting to talk to - bonus, especially being a writer - and I'm not rushing out to buy a ring - negative, impulse blog readers who demand a happy ending.
So where does it stand? When I go home (IF, more than when) I'll take her out for a delicious night of ice cream and chatting. Ice cream, because its delicious, and talking, because its a welcome relief to here about someone talk about stuff that doesn't involve budgets, blowjobs, San Diego, Producing above the line, or rewrites.
In the end Romance isn't really a choice. I don't have a clue what will happen, and that's not to say I EXPECT something to happen. Of course part of me wants it. Whenever you say (or type) the words you're cute, i'm interested in you, or 'I want to hold you hand' or ' I love your smile' you want that person to feel the same way, and if they do, you want it to progress. But that's not always what happens. I don't know what tomorrow brings let alone next month, and I don't expect someone to plan that far ahead. I just expect someone, when they feel it, to like me for me. And luckily whoever likes me will understand love more from a Stevie Wonder type of love song and less a Miley Cyrus type of love song.
After all it shouldn't be that hard, right?
Right?
Fuck....
Anyways. Working in film normally means if you're not married by now, if you date in the industry odds are pretty high two words are in your near future. Set hook ups (GOOD!) and Divorce (PRICEY!) so take from that what you will. Personally I've never been involved in people in entertainment, although thats slowly changing. My last three romantic interests were - follow along, a Radiologist, A nurse, and a Dentist.
Obviously the medical field isn't my thing so I'm moving on, and part of growing up is learning that people you knew back in college, who you get in touch with again are MUCH better than you remember them. Well some, the distant ones you didn't get drunk with enough and get shot down by. Herein - my situation.
Its a simple situation of interest and not so much love, or like in this case. I find (Name withheld for hopeful dating potential) attractive, smart, funny, and pretty grounded. Which is good because she has at least four traits there that I don't have. Also she writes, works, and occassionally laughs at my jokes. She answers my stupid questions with not so stupid answers and I find said answers cute. These examples don't cry out, man, ditch the career, get to (City withheld, but I'm sure you can guess it) and tell her how you FEEL. We'll the first thing is I don't know how I FEEL. its been a while since we hung out, although that shouldn't be taken as a negative, and two, any conversation inherently goes into the planning stage, which I hate, I'm pretty sure she hates, and my mom would love, which means I hate it.
Editors note (Dear name withheld girl, if you're reading this, please A - trust in God that I'm a better writer than I'm showing here, and B - don't jump the shark in regards to interest. Consider my like to be like the Jonas Brothers, mass produced, marketed, and totally blown out of proportion).
Sound familiar? Welcome to Modern Romance. Where we choose our careers before our spouse and our spouse is supposed to COMPLEMENT our career. There's something unnerving about that, should I find a nice box of chocolates to go with my dozen white roses of a job? Luckily - regardless of what happens with my future love life, I haven't done that here. She's funny and interesting to talk to - bonus, especially being a writer - and I'm not rushing out to buy a ring - negative, impulse blog readers who demand a happy ending.
So where does it stand? When I go home (IF, more than when) I'll take her out for a delicious night of ice cream and chatting. Ice cream, because its delicious, and talking, because its a welcome relief to here about someone talk about stuff that doesn't involve budgets, blowjobs, San Diego, Producing above the line, or rewrites.
In the end Romance isn't really a choice. I don't have a clue what will happen, and that's not to say I EXPECT something to happen. Of course part of me wants it. Whenever you say (or type) the words you're cute, i'm interested in you, or 'I want to hold you hand' or ' I love your smile' you want that person to feel the same way, and if they do, you want it to progress. But that's not always what happens. I don't know what tomorrow brings let alone next month, and I don't expect someone to plan that far ahead. I just expect someone, when they feel it, to like me for me. And luckily whoever likes me will understand love more from a Stevie Wonder type of love song and less a Miley Cyrus type of love song.
After all it shouldn't be that hard, right?
Right?
Fuck....
Friday, June 5, 2009
My first real conference call
Two things about Hollywood - It's easy to critique it when I'm in Chicago, Illinois and pretend I can make a difference. The truth of the matter is I'm more qualified than fucking most to know about hollywood, and I don't know shit. Case in point - today was my first real conference call between two legit properties (One which will be revealed in Variety next week) and a real distibution company that was looking for real A list talent (AND FUCK THIS HAD IT)!!!!!!!!
Needless to say I woke up at 8 AM despite the con call being at 4:30 my time. I did writing on my super secret script which is quickly becoming people are calling me and asking me if I indeed wrote it (Which I did) and worrying someone's gonna steal it. But not this deal baby, I brokered it with all my producing skills (Three fucking emails, a beer, and a phone call) and then I made some lunch, and fucking sat around all day, dreaming of my finders fee since it has a pretty high fucking budget.
The con call comes around and I check in first (naturally) a whole 2 minutes early. I sit listening to shitty easy flow music while staring at my dick, saying, 'Look alive baby!' thinking, shit if my dick cant even get a grip on itself what the fuck am I supposed to do? And six minutes later everyone was on the con call. They began the slow seductive baptism into the fucking hollywood fire I like to call 'NEGOTIATION'.
First thing the guy said is we don't deal with liquid equity. Which is a smart way of describing a particular investment I do not know what the fuck about. Thirty seconds in, and I'm playing in the world series when I should be stuck in teeball. For the next 12 minute I listened to the most impressive deal breaking memorandum I've ever heard in my life. I'm pretty sure atomic molecules were murdered interacting with that blood bath. He agreed to send the package to him and they'd talk again in six weeks. You know what I said the entire conversation?
Hey (Blank) this is (Blank) with (BLANK) Project.
Then i shut the fuck up.
Ohhh that baptism burns hot. 13 minutes to learn I'm not even remotely shaped to deal with Hollywood. I called my friend at CAA who works as someone's assistant and he laughed at me, saying, shit man, I had 3 phone calls like that today. Probably why he'll be successful and I won't.
13 minutes and my entire existence, my sphere of understanding was so completely flipped around if cops would come interrogate me I might confess to terrorist activity. Why? Because much like me, they have no idea what the fuck they're doing. (The terrorists, not the producers).
Look - the first thing in rehab is to admit you don't know how to solve your problem. But you can't do that in hollywood. I can't set up a meeting and say 'geez I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing, please fuck me in the ass'. They probably will, and I'll probably end up paying. Literally and figurtively.
Maybe thats the lesson in hollywood. Don't get fucked in the ass. What, Koepp's REWRITING my SCRIPT? Ah shit I've just been fucked in the ass? What you verbally promised me a co=producer spot but you gave me ASSOCIATE PRODUCER because its CHEAPER? I've just been fucked in the ass? What International Star didn't like how the dog died in the end of the movie? But you told me fucking kill BENJI! And so on and so forth.
Is this not making sense?
Welcome to FUCKING HOLLYWOOD. Now don't get fucked in the ass.
Needless to say I woke up at 8 AM despite the con call being at 4:30 my time. I did writing on my super secret script which is quickly becoming people are calling me and asking me if I indeed wrote it (Which I did) and worrying someone's gonna steal it. But not this deal baby, I brokered it with all my producing skills (Three fucking emails, a beer, and a phone call) and then I made some lunch, and fucking sat around all day, dreaming of my finders fee since it has a pretty high fucking budget.
The con call comes around and I check in first (naturally) a whole 2 minutes early. I sit listening to shitty easy flow music while staring at my dick, saying, 'Look alive baby!' thinking, shit if my dick cant even get a grip on itself what the fuck am I supposed to do? And six minutes later everyone was on the con call. They began the slow seductive baptism into the fucking hollywood fire I like to call 'NEGOTIATION'.
First thing the guy said is we don't deal with liquid equity. Which is a smart way of describing a particular investment I do not know what the fuck about. Thirty seconds in, and I'm playing in the world series when I should be stuck in teeball. For the next 12 minute I listened to the most impressive deal breaking memorandum I've ever heard in my life. I'm pretty sure atomic molecules were murdered interacting with that blood bath. He agreed to send the package to him and they'd talk again in six weeks. You know what I said the entire conversation?
Hey (Blank) this is (Blank) with (BLANK) Project.
Then i shut the fuck up.
Ohhh that baptism burns hot. 13 minutes to learn I'm not even remotely shaped to deal with Hollywood. I called my friend at CAA who works as someone's assistant and he laughed at me, saying, shit man, I had 3 phone calls like that today. Probably why he'll be successful and I won't.
13 minutes and my entire existence, my sphere of understanding was so completely flipped around if cops would come interrogate me I might confess to terrorist activity. Why? Because much like me, they have no idea what the fuck they're doing. (The terrorists, not the producers).
Look - the first thing in rehab is to admit you don't know how to solve your problem. But you can't do that in hollywood. I can't set up a meeting and say 'geez I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing, please fuck me in the ass'. They probably will, and I'll probably end up paying. Literally and figurtively.
Maybe thats the lesson in hollywood. Don't get fucked in the ass. What, Koepp's REWRITING my SCRIPT? Ah shit I've just been fucked in the ass? What you verbally promised me a co=producer spot but you gave me ASSOCIATE PRODUCER because its CHEAPER? I've just been fucked in the ass? What International Star didn't like how the dog died in the end of the movie? But you told me fucking kill BENJI! And so on and so forth.
Is this not making sense?
Welcome to FUCKING HOLLYWOOD. Now don't get fucked in the ass.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Opening day
So
The main question I always get is what am I doing and Who am I. I'm certain in saying a lot of people know me, some even famous, but hardly anyone KNOWS me. So I figure the best way to know a person is through their words, no matter how good or bad it is. I'll keep you updated on what projects I'm writing and producing, amusing ancedotes from the business, and embarrassing old stories involving me and sex in high school. I'll try to post at least twice a week. I doubt more than 13 people will read this - in their lifetime. So i'm not worried about getting sued yet.
oh here's a good hint on the future project I'm working on - UPDATE - better not post that yet.
The main question I always get is what am I doing and Who am I. I'm certain in saying a lot of people know me, some even famous, but hardly anyone KNOWS me. So I figure the best way to know a person is through their words, no matter how good or bad it is. I'll keep you updated on what projects I'm writing and producing, amusing ancedotes from the business, and embarrassing old stories involving me and sex in high school. I'll try to post at least twice a week. I doubt more than 13 people will read this - in their lifetime. So i'm not worried about getting sued yet.
oh here's a good hint on the future project I'm working on - UPDATE - better not post that yet.
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