How to talk to your family or how parents just don't understand.

I went through what most others would consider an emotional roller coaster with my parents this week. I consider it pretty standard. Here's the ride (Hold on!) My parents asked me if I was gay, they told me randomly decided to visit me in chicago, to which I'm not sure the first and second point are related are not - they visited, to which I - in my infinite wisdom, had accidentally left a condom on my dresser - The conversation went from if I was gay to how dare I have premaritial sex. In other words, it could of been worse.

And here we are ladies and gentlemen. Stuck in this infinite abyss we call careerdom, holding all sorts of cards our parents never envisioned. By the time my parents we're twenty five they moved to the town they'd spend the next 20 years of their life, they had my oldest brother, and my dad held the job he'd hold for over 20 years. In other words, three of the four biggest things you decide in life (the forth being religion) had be settled. There wasn't any planning. the planning was done, packed up in the moving trucks and heading towards the next batch of newly minted honeymooners, happy after discovering three magical gifts of marriage - newlywed swag, abolishment of a curfew, and the magical 'O' (Consult your physician if you hadn't had one of those in a while, or craigslist.)

So where am I at twenty five? I'll assume you're up to speed with my love life so no spouse. Living in chicago until I move to Los Angeles, so little enviromental stability. I work in film, so they'll never be job stability, and although I am open minded I'm more religious than not, in a spiritual sense, not the organizational sense - so I'm batting 1 for 4 in the big choices in life (I guess I don't have any kids out there I know about). What does this say about relating to your elders?

When I was thirteen, the biggest issue my parents had with me was my defiance in wearing my ball cap to church. Now they're worried I'm gay, randomly fucking, or both. Relatability was 200 miles back in Grand Rapids. In the words of Jason Bourne to my parents 'You're son's off the fucking grid.'

And isn't this the issue at the core of every family dynamic? Relatbility. Its not the small things we struggle with, its the fucking BIG life choices I make. As I told them what's new in my life during lunch today - we steered away from three topics. Religion (They're scared I might not be as Godly as they hope) Girls (Fuck if they can't even decide what GENDER I'm teeing off against) and that giant fucking yellow condom just sitting there, causing angst, not even being used by finding some small way to fuck me anyways.

I did see, for the first time in three years, real pride that they felt about me. I did see them making an effort. I mean, for all my parents faults, and there are a few, the worst thing that happened to them was being stuck with ME, I mean, I'm a fucking dick, and they handle me like a trooper, as well as you'd ever expect conservative white parents to handle their off the rocker adolescent 25 year old son.

What was the relatability that changed everything? Maybe the key was they stopped trying how my life was going to turn out. The rest of my siblings ended up completely average, and they predicted that pretty well. Why try changing the black sheep to white if it's just gonna not turn out CREME white? I suppose we can love black sheep too...

But understanding that you don't match up with your elder parents and siblings doesn't neccessarily mean thats a BAD thing, its a choice of individuality, for better or worse. I'm the only one of my siblings not to have kids or a spouse. I'm the first to NOT drop out of college, and I'm the first to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. That doesn't make me better. That makes me different. Just because my parents can't understand how to love me doesn't mean they don't love me, mostly.

So if you're parents feud with you, remember this sage advice from rapper Will Smith

"Parent's just don't understand."

You're fucking right there, Will. Tell me something I DON'T know.